Put the past where it belongs ~ in the past

With the New Year rapidly approaching, I spent a few quiet moments this morning reflecting on this past year, thinking about all that has happened and the lessons I have learned.

First and foremost, I have closed the door to pain, suffering, bitterness and anger. I will no longer allow myself to be the victim. There have been way too many lows, but thankfully there HAVE been enough highs to pull me from the darkness into the light.

I do not have all of the answers but understand that while I have been knocked all the way down ~ I'm still standing!! I feel a great sense of pride in knowing that I am a survivor!

Yes, I am thankful for the bad times, for I have gained so much power and inner strength from them.

Speaking of bad times ~ I have come to embrace them and have made my peace, for without them I would not have had the opportunity to see just what I am truly made of!

Will I ever love again? YES, absolutely!! I already am and I realize that I must take it one day at a time. I am open and ready to receive God's grace. I know He has a plan for me, a special someone in mind for me ~ He is revealing it to me slowly as it should be, for patience is a virtue and another lesson I've had to learn.

Life goes on and in order to be a part of it, I recognize that I must move on with it. That happens by letting go of old hurt and anger and allowing myself the beauty and freedom to forgive.

Remember, the most important thing any of us can do is to breathe, know that we have made it through the most difficult part by swallowing life's bitter pill.

No good can come of reliving all of the pain and angst you have suffered. Realize that "bad things" happen for a reason ~ to help you grow, become stronger and wiser than you ever thought you could be.

In spite of the hurt, you must also allow yourself to be open to the new possibilities and opportunities. Courage is about taking risks. With Great Love comes Great Risk ~ I am ready! In order to receive all of the good that God has in store for you are you willing to risk? If so, then put the past where it belongs ~ IN THE PAST. Happy New Year! Just My Two Cents...

What real women are like...

I found this on stumble upon and really enjoyed it so I wanted to share it with you. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Happy Reading and and HUGE thanks to Megan for letting me borrow it.


Real women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing! They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one
who's BRAVE enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Is there anyone out there who is brave enough to make the climb? Just My Two Cents...

My Claim to Fame...

Gosh, if there is one thing I have learned that has truly resonated with me this year is that forgiveness never comes easy ~ but it comes. Just takes a little time, lots of patience and faith!

One of my readers left a very nice comment the other day and asked what I will Blog about now that I have closed the door to all of the bitterness and ugliness of 2010 and swung WIDE open the door to 2011. A year to be filled with many Blessings, new challenges and all of the good God has intended for me.

Well, let me just take a step back and first say that I am thankful for those bad times. Quite honestly, without them, how would I have learned what it really means to forgive? I have not forgotten, I have dealt with it and put it in it's place. Holding onto it will get me no where fast.

No one can bring you down faster or easier than you and I have no desire to be the torch bearer for hatred, anger or bitterness. Instead, I chose to break the cycle and be the change. I look ahead with a new found sense of freedom that can only come from the release of all of that garbage ~ and believe me, there has been a ton of it.

Who cares what anyone thinks of me? I am staying positive even though negativity can come from some unexpected places... I forgive and continue to surround myself with positive people who have like me, came through the storm and made it out.

I am WOMAN ~ Hear me ROAR! I am a survivor ~ watch out world, here I come. I am a Child of God. Knock me down, I WILL get back up! For you see, I do have faith and that faith has carried me through the darkness. No matter what anyone thinks or says, I remain strong and Life does go on.

So what is there left for me to talk about now? Well, unfortunately the world is still full of hurt, angst ridden and angry people. I am simply an instrument to help inspire others who are going through hell. They need to know that they too can make it from the darkness into the light ~ I did! With trust, faith and inspiration anything is possible!

That is it. That is my "Claim to Fame" ~ to do my part and just help. Sharing my story was only the beginning...Let's see where this leads us. Just My Two Cents...

2011 ~ The Year of Kimberly!

Happy Holidays to you all and a HUGE Thanks to everyone that has stood by me during this very difficult and pain filled year!! I am truly blessed to have this venue as a way to express myself while going through so many different changes.

My road to self discovery has been long, arduous and often painful. Finding my true self has helped make the journey worthwhile. There are still questions; many angst-ridden days, sometimes filled with tears. Yet through the Grace (Boy have I have come to a new appreciation of the word Grace) of God, I have survived!

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that sometimes when you are going through hell, you find out just how strong you really are! Trust me, I HAVE been to hell and danced with the devil himself! I have been afraid, I have cried so many tears that my soul wept... But I am STILL standing!

My ex-husband tried to destroy me and it literally knocked me down so hard that it was tough to stand back up. I stand because I had to. I am a survivor, a Child of God and most importantly, I am a Mother. My children are my "Gifts" from God and there was no way I could just lay down and "let this happen". So, I fought back hard! I have literally been in the fight of my life and my children's lives. It still pains me that they had to suffer at all...but children are very resilient.

The tough times have brought us closer and my relationship with them is so beautiful and more loving than ever. The bond is unbreakable and unshakable! I cannot even articulate how I feel when I walk into their classroom for instance, and see them just light up! Yesterday, I attended each of their class holiday parties and when I walked in all I heard was "Mama"! My 7 year old who will not let me kiss him at the bus stop, literally lept into my arms because he was so happy I was there. My heart is filled with a love like no other!


I have let go of all of my anger. It was not easy because so much dirt has been done. I realize though that there is nothing to be gained by even repeating it. That is not to say that there are still not times when I do not cry because I do.

All that matters and what is most important is that I am still here. Stronger because of my hard times. Wiser because of my mistakes. Believe it or not, I am happier because of my sad times and much, much smarter because of my confusion.

I have forgiven and that single act has allowed me to become stronger than I ever imagined.

My heart is now open to receive all of the good God has intended for me. I have closed the door to all of the ugliness of 2010 and I claim 2011 as my year. The Year of Kimberly! Just My Two Cents

Holding on to anger...

Buddah once said that, "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else; you are the only one getting burned." What a powerful lesson!

Holding onto anger makes you sick, literally. I have spent so much time and energy being angry over what happened to me that I have forgotten about the two beautiful Blessings that are right before my very eyes ~ My Children!

Yes, my ex-husband has done some of the most unthinkable things to me. He has wounded me very deeply. There are times when I STILL weep! But being angry with him has only stunted my growth as a woman, as a mother and as a Child of God.

It took getting physically sick, losing so much weight that I did not even recognize myself, to realize that he is the loser, NOT me. I am Blessed to be able to spend every waking moment with my children. I will watch them grow. I will teach them to be God-Fearing, kind-hearted, loving and generous souls. I will not miss a milestone, he will.

There is no need to begrudge him, in fact I actually feel sorry for him. He has to live with what he has done. It has been a slow process at times but I am healing and moving on. I will not let the pain of what he did keep me down.

For you see, I HAVE been all the way down to the deepest and darkest pit; but you know what? God was standing there right with me. He NEVER let me go. He has shown me the way home, only this time we have taken a better, more scenic route with many lessons learned along the path.

There is a lot to be said about the old adage, "No pain, no gain." It took me to get sick to truly realize all of my gifts. It has been very, very painful at times. I have been uncertain as to how I was going to preserve, but I have!

I cannot and will not sit around constantly wondering "Why me?" Well, why not me?! I have learned so much. Like, life does go on and it is beautiful. All you have to do is take that leap of faith into living IT.

Holding onto anger does nothing but let enemy win. I am no loser. I have finally let go, really let go of my anger toward my ex. I feel so free that at times I actually have to pinch myself. Even when he tries to do harm to me again, he cannot hurt me. I have taken the power away from him!

You know what, it is he who can't even look me in the eye. I can feel his uncomfortableness when he is around, which is not too often these days. He tried to break me and take away the loves of my life. He FAILED miserably! No one will ever be able to break that bond or take that love from me.

I am a warrior Child of God. Anger and bitterness have no place in my heart. I only have room for Love and all the Blessings that come with it!

Yes, I have danced with the devil and just as God promised, I came out the winner. I held steadfast in my Faith and trusted God completely. Even though at times it did get a bit scary alas, I am okay.

Life really is too short to be bitter. My children love me so much. I love them even more and we are TRULY, Happy. Better still, if you are open, Love will come to you again, only it will be so much sweeter. This too I have recently learned.

Are you holding onto anger? If you answer yes, I implore you to ~ LET IT GO! You don't want to get burned do ya? Just My Two Cents...

Where do you stand?

Life is full of painful lessons. Sometimes they can really knock you down. Know that what really counts is how many times you get up! Learn from your mistakes and keep it moving.

There is a saying that when God wants to send you a Blessing, He wraps it up in a problem. It is so true. Hold on and keep your faith for this too shall pass. At times, it will not be easy, in fact, quite often it is the most painful time of your life. Stand with God and your faith will become unshakable.

It is always good to know where you stand, even if it is not where you want to be, because you WILL weather the storm if you stand firm in your belief. So, where do you stand? Just My Two Cents....

Are you a talker or a walker?

Some people like to talk just to talk while others are brave enough to walk the walk!

Prove your worth though your actions not your words. A friend recently told me that sometimes those who are silent have the most to say and you know the saying; "Actions speak louder than words."

Don't be afraid to stand up for what is right. That is how we can learn a valuable lesson. Sometimes it is necessary to be wrong to learn what is right!

Will you be the person who talks just to talk or will you do the right thing and walk the walk? Just My Two Cents...

Been a long time...

Hello everyone.

I am so sorry for being away for so long but I have been going through the proverbial wringer and quite frankly, it has been more than a little difficult to be upbeat for my readers when I have been so down.

But my creative child is screaming at me to let loose. She has started keeping me up at night. Grrr! Perhaps this will do me some good for I have tons to update you on.

Thank you for your support and sticking with me. I have even picked up a few followers while I was "gone" ~ wow.

I am back now and just want to uplift as many people as I can ~ because in the long run, it will help me too!!

I know it has been a long time, just needed to heal a little. Just My Two Cents...

What we become...

What we live with we learn usually from a young age. What we learn we practice (daily).

What we practice, we become. What we become has consequences. Can you live with your choices and the consequences of your choices? Just saying. Just My Two Cents....

Kindess....

Treat others with kindness for you never know what burdens another may be carrying. We all go through tough times, but remember tough times never last ~ tough people do!!

Lately, I have started looking back at my life ~ through all of the choices I have made, the good as well as the bad. I often find myself reflecting on those choices and wonder if I handled my decisions the right way...As many of you know, this year has been filled with a lot of pain for me ~ so much so that I have often been left wondering how I was going to make it through yet another day.

There were many times I felt so weak and defeated I thought that I had in fact lost the battle ~ yet what stuck out most in my heart and mind is remembering the acts of kindness from others.

I have come to the realization that, it is because of those people whose genuine kindness and concern helped me through my tough times, I can now fully understand and appreciate how strong I really am and how I have evolved into the woman I now am!

The way you conduct yourself during the hard times will most likely determine your fate ~ will you handle it with grace and dignity or bitterness and hate? Life can deal some difficult and amazingly hard blows but there are beautiful lessons to be gained if you are willing to suffer though the pain to get to the beauty which life has to offer.

I do not take these words lightly because I personally know that it hurts like hell. It may seem like an eternity at the time but I can tell you without a doubt, it will not last forever. For me, I chose the path of kindness. I wish those who have tried to do harm to me - well. It has not been an easy pill to swallow, so I drink a lot of water (smile).

YES ~ you are going to make mistakes, we all do.

Always be kind to others for you alone have the power to help lift their spirits or break them. Which person will you be? Just some food for thought and as always, Just my Two Cents...

Just when...

Just as everything falls apart, it will eventually all "fall" together and you will understand why it all happened in the first place.

Fear and low self esteem can be real mind benders but you MUST have the foresight and the faith to know that even though you may not get over it, you will get though it.

When you are tired, wake up. If you are weak, become stronger! If you are lost make it so you can be found. When your fear is high ~ conquer it!

Just when you think all is lost, it will be found again! Keep the faith and keep your chin up! Just My Two Cents......

Sprits in a material world

Remember the Police song, "Spirits in a Material World"? Well, I just happened to overhear it playing in the background the other day and it brought to mind how temporary our time here on earth really is. As such, we can choose our time wisely and learn some of the many wonderful, sometimes painful, bittersweet yet necessary lessons that life has to offer. Or, we can continue to simply be empty shells and move though life learning nothing at all. It is our choice.

We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience rather, we are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.

I would not trade one of my lessons I have learned and the value of life it has taught me for anything in the world. This has indeed been a tough year for me but, I have gained so much through the pain, the tears and yes, even the laughter. I am tremendously blessed to have been through the fire ~ because I have come out on the other side, stronger, wiser and happier than ever!

Think about it. If we are lucky enough to be on this earth for any length of time at all, there are so many opportunities to learn and grow spiritually before we can move on to the next realm. So, we really are spirits moving about in a material world trying to fulfill our predetermined destiny before our time here has expired. Heavy, I know. But definitely food for thought. Just My Two Cents....

Life as I know it...

So, yes it has been a tough year. But remember the saying, "Tough times never last, tough people do." Well it is true! I am healing everyday. Little by little the pain and hurt continues to fall away...

I am following my dreams and what is in my heart. I can honestly say that it really feels good to let go and let God and as a result, my strength has returned ten fold!

The beauty that I see through the eyes of my children lets me know that I am making progress! They are making progress! How beautiful is that? Pain REALLY can teach us lessons, if we are open and willing to receive.

One example of this is that you must give up what you could lose in order to gain what you could not lose. Lord knows, I have given up a lot but have come out a winner!

I know that I will have set backs, but I also know that I will overcome them. I am a survivor. Life as I know it is changing and becoming BEAUTIFUL again! Thanks be to God! Just My Two Cents...

TIME....

Time is all we have. We cannot fast forward it. We cannot rewind it. All we can do is live in the TIME of now and make the most of it before it is too late!!

So, value NOT the things you have in life, rather, value WHO you have in life!! PLEASE count your Blessings for as cliche as it sounds, it is so very true ~ tomorrow is not promised to us! Take the TIME to tell those that you value how much they mean to you ~ before it is too late. Just My Two Cents...

Letting go of the Bitterness

Holding on to bitterness and anger not only leaves a sour taste in your mouth but will also suck the very life out of you!

In an effort to heal, PLEASE ~ Take a deep breath, bite your tongue, be the ADULT and FORGIVE ~ just do not forget!!

Forgiveness is the hardest part but it can be done! As my divorce progresses toward what seems like forever to end, I have had to learn the hard way to bite my tongue ~ trust me, I have several bite marks to prove my point!! lol

At first, I was devastated and hurt by the horrible things the monster I had been married to had done and tried to do to me. I was broken. But once I got my strength back, I became angry AND bitter. However, it came at a cost!! I was turning into someone I did not like and that price was too high for me to pay!

Once things calmed down, I knew that if I was going to move beyond this and be the better person, I HAD to let go of the bitterness! I found that the only way for me to accomplish this was to totally let God step in and take over.

Now, I am in the process of moving on to the bigger and better things that God has planned for me. The road has been long and arduous, but I am almost there...Just My Two Cents...

Short, Sweet and very on point from William Shakespeare

I could not pass up this opportunity to share something so profound especially in today's world. Enjoy! "Love me or hate me, both ways are in my favor. If you Love me, I will always be in your heart. If you Hate me, I will always be in your mind." William Shakespeare ~ Hope you have a fantastic day and thank you for your support! God Bless you all each and everyone! Just My Two Cents....

Will anything ever be alright again?

So sorry everyone. I know I have been absent. Truthfully, I have been down and not felt very inspired or inspiring. Lately, I have been feeling so very vulnerable and it dawned on me that I am in mourning.

I am grieving the loss of broken promises and a life(happily ever after) that I wanted but unfortunately was never meant to be....I have been living unhappily for quite some time. I stayed, like many for the sake of the kids and then, quite unexpectedly, because of the illness and subsequent passing of my beloved Father-on-Law. I did my best to keep my family in tact but I just could not go on trying to please everyone while losing myself in the process. Does that mean that I failed?

I cannot begin to tell you how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep because I was so very unhappy but did not want to disrupt things or disappoint anyone. I was so tired of being tired... I was losing weight at warp speed and was angry a lot of the time. I realized that I needed an outlet because Kimberly was disappearing ~ so I literally created my Blog exactly one week before I filed for divorce--I just needed some way to let my feelings out before I collapsed.

I wanted to turn my pain into something positive (and still do) but I realize that while I was busy trying to wrap each post with a sunny outlook I was STILL very sad, angry and deeply hurting. I sought therapy for both myself and my children to help cope with the drastic changes. It is helping but I still cry...Through my tears, I can't help but wonder will anything EVER be alright again? Just My Two Cents...

Do you know where you stand?

A high school friend of mine recently posted his Love of God on Face Book! I told him how very proud I was of him for taking a stand on such a public venue.

We chatted about it and he told me about some of the tough times he had experienced recently and how God stood with him through it all. I loved his enthusiasm and his zest for life in spite of the recent trials and tribulations he has experienced.

What touched me the most however, was the pride he felt by SHARING his faith with others and the depth of his commitment to God. He just wants to let the world know where he stands (from the perspective of his belief in God)! He is PROUD to be a Child of God!

You know me well enough to know what question is coming ~ Do you know where you stand? Are you proud to be a Child of God?

I know how painful and hard times can be ~ believe me. I have had mean-spirited people call me the "devil" and challenge my belief but I will not let it deter me. During the course of the last several months, I have been through the proverbial ringer ~ but my faith remains stronger than ever!

Like many of you,I have been betrayed, hurt and deeply wounded by people who claimed to love and care (about me). They tried to crush my spirit. Did not work! Some of them even left nasty (anonymous, of course - even though I know who they are) comments on my Blog to try to break me, but NOTHING and NO ONE can separate me from the Love of God!

The extent to which some people will go to hurt you is actually, rather pitiful. I have learned many lessons, like how important it is to remember who you are and build on that instead of letting the naysayers define who you are and who you are to become.

"The fear of the Lord leads to life; then one rests content, untouched by trouble." Proverbs 19:23 God doesn't promise that we will not suffer trouble or bad times. However, he does promise that in the middle of trouble we will experience a sense of peace in the midst of chaos. I have that sense of peace (now) because I have learned to let go of the anger.

Experience has taught me that if you do not learn from the bad times you cannot truly enjoy the good. I want to enjoy the gift of life for it is truly a gift not a right and should NOT be taken for granted. And let's face it, life is way too short to stay angry at people ~ even if they have done you wrong! ;-D

So again I ask, Do you know where you stand? I do. My heart and soul belong to my Lord God. I am not ashamed or fearful to let anyone know it AND I am not here to shove it down anyone's throat. I am speaking from my own personal experiences and from the lessons I have learned.

I do not care what the naysayers have to say about me or what they try to do to me ~ for they have absolutely no power over me. Like my friend, I am a proud to be a child of God. I am one of his Warriors! I will be still when I need to be and I will stand up and fight for what is right when I need to. I will praise Him and shout it from the rooftop! Thank you Dear Lord ~ For I KNOW where I stand! Just my two cents...

Human vs Spiritual Experience

We are not human begins going through a temporary spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience. Remember these things; Life isn't about the past. It is about learning how to take what God gives you and trying to make the best of it because the past matters no more! Lastly, God does not give you the people YOU want, rather He gives you the people you NEED! Just my two cents...

Are you doing what you are called to do?

We all, to some degree, live by our own "code of ethics". I believe that at our core, most of us want to do the right thing and strive to do good.

Remember, God does not ask about our ability, but our availability for He ALREADY knows what we are capable of.

God put us all on earth to accomplish certain things in life before our time here is over ~ are you up to the task or are you just hiding out in your own life? Are you willing to answer His call?

It may not be what you envision for yourself but you must trust Him and His plan. Some of us are called to serve our country (God Bless and protect them all). Some of us are called to minister His word. (Blessed are they who have been chosen). Some are called to heal the sick and some are called to be great leaders. The point is, are YOU ready to receive your calling?

Great Love and Great achievement involve Great RISK and it is during the darkest hour, that the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure. Let your heart be your guide ~ What are you called to do? Just my two cents....

The reflection

If you see too many ripples in your life, look deeply into the water's reflection ~ there you will see the one throwing the stones causing the ripples in the first place.

For me, the saddest thing to recognize has been that the person throwing the stones is someone whom I completely trusted. At times, I cannot even fathom how much it breaks my heart to know that someone I loved could actually set out to completely destroy me, yet emphatically state how much they "love me".

What was the purpose? I can't begin to tell you how many times I have stood in front of the mirror asking myself, "why"? I have often wondered who the person staring back at me is because sometimes I haven't recognized her.

After all that I have been through, I realize that I have changed. I am no longer the naive woman I once was. I still believe in love, in spite of the pain, I still know that I will be able to trust again...Time wounds all heals.

I know there will be good days and there will be bad days ~ eventually the pain and betrayal will be but a distant memory but the lessons I have learned will stay with me forever.

Last evening, while sitting in Mass, I asked God to just release me from feeling angry. I can honestly say that I have never hated anyone no matter what has been said and done to me ~ and believe me a LOT has been attempted to assassinate my character to the tune of bringing in outsiders who do not know one thing about me.


Although I have chosen to let it all go, It tickles me to recognize the irony of it all. I can look every single person that was involved in the eye yet they cannot look at me. That speaks volumes in and of itself! I pity them all for they had no idea what they were up against.

It is now time to let go so that I can heal and move on to the bigger and better things God has planned for me. My faith assures me that there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel and as sure as I am writing this, I can see the light!! I am holding on and holding my own.

The woman in the mirror staring back at me is stronger, wiser and more self assured than she was even before! I surround myself with like-minded people, true friends who have my best interest at heart and have held my hand while standing in the muck with me. I am truly blessed!!

My reflection holds so much promise, I say to the ones who have tried and failed to destroy me ~ you can NEVER take down a Child of God! Say what you want, I am here to stay, I have a voice and it will be heard. You hold absolutely no power over me!

The reflection shows a woman of great character who has been mired down in the muck for many years, but I am a fighter and a winner and no one will ever be able to take that from me no matter how much mud they sling! Bring it!! Just my Two Cents.

Been away for a while....

Hello everyone. Sorry I have been away for a few days but I promise to be back in full swing tomorrow. Please tune in! Thank you so much for your kind words of love and support. You ALL have actually have been an inspiration to me! May God Bless You each and every one!! Just my two cents....

Happy Independence Day America!!

When we think the of 4th of July, what usually comes to mind are family gatherings, Barbecues and of course, fireworks. That is not such a bad thing ~ especially the yummy food part (smile). But today we should reflect on the true meaning of independence and freedom and what it means to each of us. It is not something to be taken for granted, it is very precious and personally, I sincerely wish to thank all of our soldiers who have so valiantly fought for and (some) given their lives for the freedom and independence that we all enjoy today! Happy Independence Day! God Bless our protectors, God Bless us and God Bless America!! Just my two Cents...

Every Day is a Brand New Day!

God does not ask about our ability, but our availability. Are you available to Him? Are you ready to receive the many lessons that life has to teach us?

If you answered yes then you must be willing to free your mind of clutter and that includes the clutter of worrying about what others may think of you.

Have you ever heard the saying that if you chase two rabbits, both will escape? It is true, it is so important to focus on one thing at a time.

You know what happens when you spread yourself to thin? Every thing falls apart. Your mind must be free and clear to make the best decisions and to follow the path God has chosen for you.

Know that it is okay to make mistakes. In fact, mistakes are how we learn and grow as individuals so please do not ever equate a mistake with failure. We can learn from mistakes ~ failure is the path of LEAST persistence, it is the easy way out!


To grow and move beyond pain you must be willing to put you self out there. If you aim at nothing, believe me, you will hit it every time. NOTHING! Do not be afraid, for as long as you are committed to soldering on, then you know all will be okay. Life can throw some hard curve balls ~ you got to be ready.

We are human and as such sometimes the world is gonna seem like it is too much to carry ~ we are going to stumble and fall, but we CAN , if we so choose to pick ourselves up and keep on going because God has so many things to teach us if only we are willing to learn. If not, we are doomed to repeat mistakes.

When I have a good day I am so very Thankful and believe it or not when I am not having a good day, I am STILL Thankful because God is ALWAYS good to me and will hold my hand, walk beside me and BELIEVE me I KNOW he has actually carried me when I have been too weak to go on.

The thing with me is that no matter what, no matter how tired, sad and defeated I may feel ~ I WILL PREVAIL and that is what keeps me in the game ~ of life. For EVERY Day is a BRAND New Day and a chance to start all over with a clean slate! Just my Two Cents...

Do not let roadblocks stop you from living your life.

Do you ever have those days where you ask yourself "Why?" It seems like every time you try to get ahead, you end up in an endless circle and you just want to curl up in a ball and stay in bed because it does feel safer than facing the day... everything in your world is going crazy!

Who, you might be inclined to ask, in their right mind wants to face that? Well, no matter how difficult, we cannot hide! First, recognize that we ALL have days like these.

Life is full of roadblocks and setbacks but you cannot STOP living your life! You must GET UP! Then get moving and have the Faith and the COURAGE to face yet another day of challenges.

God can heal Anything and EVERYTHING if you give it over to Him. Talk to someone with words of wisdom to help steer you through your trials. Never, ever be ashamed to ask for guidance/directions.

Please BELIEVE me, as I speak from personal experience only, there are MANY days when I am simply at my wits end, I am feeling down, like I am drowning ~ being pulled under the tide...I sometimes feel all beat up and broken down, that I am at the end of my rope and haven't the faintest idea as to how I am going to make it through another day....

I would be lying if I said I haven't felt like giving up hope but I know that God does not (no matter how cliche it sounds) give you more than you can handle! Personally speaking, with His unconditional LOVE as well as the LOVE of my two children I can and WILL preserve!! I cry out, "Lord, God PLEASE help me make it through this day!"

Life is tough but you have to be tougher ~ so strap on your armor each and every day, dig DEEP inside and find your God-given strength! Keep on climbing that humongous mountain for as long as you do not give up ~ you can make it!

I still struggle, but each day I make it closer and closer to reaching the prize, knowing in my soul that eventually, I will be standing on the top! Please do not give up because of life's roadblocks ~ keep on moving ~ you will get there!! Just my Two cents......

Never let go of Hope...

In spite of pain, trials and all the various upheavals that life throws our way, trusting in Jesus is the only way to give your life a renewed sense of self worth and hope.

So, how do you respond when life blindsides you with a curve ball? Does hope slip away? Do you feel as though God has deserted you?

The answer my friends, is a resounding NO! Do not let negative thoughts and naysayers steer you toward the brink of losing your identity in Christ.

Instead, hold on to Him even more tightly and TRUST Him. God always keeps His promises in His time not ours, but ALWAYS RIGHT on time ~ Ever notice that?!

It is during these turbulent times that the naysayers/evildoers attack. Now more that ever it is imperative to your very essence that you remain steadfast in your faith and continue on the path that God has set forth for us.

Again, it sounds cliche but alas so very true, it is ALWAYS darkest before the dawn. But it shall pass!! Remember, "The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing." (Proverbs 10:28) Never let go of hope!! Just my two cents.......

Joy is on its way...

Tonight's Blog is going to be short, to the point but hopefully very sweet and inspiring.

Pamela McQuade, a beautiful Spiritualist and Author so eloquently states in one of her teachings that, "Trials have a purpose in our lives."

And they do. That purpose is to teach and lead us on the path that God has chosen for each one of us, so we are tested. Sometimes we get sidetracked and need guidance, we are human after all.

Do not fear, for He is with you, never once letting go. God sends guidance in many ways so watch for and be mindful of the signs for it can be easy to miss if you are not paying attention.

As sure as a goldsmith heats up gold to purify it, so to does God heat up our lives to make spiritual impurities rise to the surface. Isn't that completely amazing and wondrous?

We are free to make the choice to listen to Him and when we do, our sins/impurities are erased from our lives ~ we get a clean slate (so to speak) and an opportunity to renew and strengthen our faith.

Our new "cleansed" lives bring glory to God and joy to each of us. Trust God and forgive wrongs that have been done to you with your whole heart because forgiveness is so very FREEING!!

The naysayers that have tried to render you powerless now have absolutely no power over you!! Stand firm in your faith!! If a trial lies before you today, visualize the joy that awaits you ~ for it is truly on its way!!

"The genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1:7) God Bless and Peace be with us all! Just my two cents...

The Naysayers....

To all of my followers; first I want to sincerely thank you for your loyalty and support. It is because of you that I remain committed to my goal of inspiring and encouraging anyone going through tough times.

Do not be discouraged. Please remain true to your faith and to yourself. "Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. It is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed." Voltaire.

The lesson ~ remain firmly rooted in your faith! Life can deal some hard blows, but if you dig deep enough and keep your hands in God's hands, you WILL find the courage and fortitude to withstand anything life throws your way.

Do not be discouraged because of naysayers ~ remember that they do not come from a place of truth and their sole function is to keep you mired down in the muck! Believe that you will rise above it, because you WILL!

Some will spread vicious lies about you but keep in mind that the truth ALWAYS speaks for itself. I will never cease from learning from my experiences. Life can teach you many things if you are willing to learn the lessons ~ the good as well as the bad.

A few days ago, I received a negative, very mean-spirited comment. While I recognize and encourage freedom of speech, I WILL NOT, under any circumstance accept judgment from anyone especially when it is based on lies and innuendos. Accordingly, I have exercised my freedom of speech and responded in kind to set the record straight!

At no time do I use this Blog as a means to "Bash" anyone. I write from my heart, about MY life experiences, my vulnerabilities and my faith.

I am not a preacher, nor do I claim to be an expert in anything. I only write about life as I KNOW it. Yes my stories have been filled with angst, pain, betrayal and sorrow however, I strive to find positive ways to inspire and encourage in spite of any negative experiences I may endure AND I am not ashamed of any of it ~ nor should you be!

I am happy to be who God wants me to be ~ not who others want me to be. I relate to my readers because we all suffer and go through tough times. Life is full of ebbs and flows and PLEASE believe me when I say that just as sure as the sun will shine, this too shall pass.

So don't fall prey to the naysayers ~ Plato said, "Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools speak because they have to say something!" How true and appropriate for the naysayers ARE the indeed the fools! I will not let a negative comment stop me from doing what I am being led to do.

I say what I mean and mean what I say. Each of us has to do what is in our own best interest, I only wish to encourage you to stand firm in your faith and not be ashamed or embarrassed because of tough times ~ speaking from personal experience only ~ it makes you a stronger and better person. God Bless you all! Just my two cents....

Picking up the pieces......

Once you have been deeply wounded, it is difficult to say the least, to even fathom trusting again. Speaking from personal experience, I am here to tell you that not only is it possible but essential to your healing and spiritual growth!!

You cannot let the past dictate the course of your future. Never regret what you have said or done, regret what you DID NOT say or do.

Forget the memories that tore your heart apart in the first place. That's right ~ let them go!! Pick up the pieces one day at a time and move on.

Focus on the lessons. What have you gained from the pain you've endured? You are in the process of changing and evolving so embrace the "new you".

Look to what the future has to offer; it is there, shining BRIGHTLY ~ yours for the taking....Just reach for it! Are you a survivor? If the answer is yes, then KNOW that YOU WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!

You may fall down, but all you have to do is grab hold of God's hand for it is there, waiting for you to take hold of and help pick you up again! No matter what life throws at you, it is imperative to KNOW your inner strength and fortitude.

Do not be afraid to love again. I know the road to self discovery is a long, arduous and most often painful journey. Finding your true self will make the journey that much sweeter.

The first step starts with forgiving those who have wronged you. The second step is crucial and probably a little difficult, but you must give yourself permission to "forgive you", for you have not failed!

Next, learn to love yourself. Answer this question, "Do you have the courage to love the untamed you ~ unconditionally and can you be who you REALLY want to be"? If so, it is THEN that you can truly experience real FREEDOM!!

You've got to take chances, you MUST be willing to RISK losing it all. So my friends, close your eyes and take that leap ~ it just might be worth the fall! For me, my happy ending is simply moving on and LOVING the WOMAN I AM no matter what anyone else might think! Oh, one last thing, "Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it." Charles R. Swindoll ~ Just my two cents....

Life's Road Map

Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you can actually be the best thing for you, as long as you do not let it get the BEST of you!

I am finding that to be so very true ~ especially in spite of the horrific things that have happened in my life recently. I was in such a state of shock at my now estranged husband's betrayal.

How could I have been so stupid?! I was angry, blind-sided, in denial, and mired down in the muck from the pain. A pain so intense that it often manifested itself physically.

The unbearable ache in my heart ~ actually felt as if arrows were piercing at and tearing into my soul. My whole body ached and I WEPT deeply. The tears burned through my cheeks......it was just plain gut wrenching. To say I was lost, off track ~ well, that is quite the understatement.

But let me say this first ~ NEVER once did I doubt my faith nor did I feel any shame! Hell yes, I wanted to know why this was happening to me and how this "man" who claimed to love me caused me so much pain and distress!

Had I somehow done to something to motivate his behavior? I've been through tough times before, but nothing like this. How was I going to pull though? I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw that I was becoming a shell of who I once was.

I felt empty, fragile and very vulnerable. "SNAP out of it!" I screamed at myself. Sometimes I felt like life was mocking me ~ the only thing I was able to manage was to do what was familiar to me.

So I relied heavily on my faith, turning to my well-worn bible ~ frantically scouring my favorite passages for reasons why, why, WHY?!! Oh God ~ How I NEEDED ANSWERS!!

I devoured self-help books and wrote down my feelings daily. During one of those panic driven quests for God knows what ~ SOMETHING clearly stood out ~ I realized that no matter what, I am who I am ~ Take it or leave it!!

I MUST to be true to myself no matter what anyone says ~ NO APPROVAL needed!! I know this will not get the BEST of me! I still have many questions and I understand that I may never get them all answered in this lifetime, but this much I do know ~ God has a plan for each of us.

When He wants to Bless us; to get our attention ~ He wraps up His plan with a problem. The messier the problem, the bigger the BLESSING!!

Okay ~ so now what? What does that mean? Well, for starters, we have to BELIEVE and follow His road map ~ directions can be found RIGHT in front of you! My directions are my two beautiful children.

I look into their eyes and I instinctively KNOW ~ I MUST without a doubt, be strong for them ~ they depend on Mama for everything ~ as all children do. My role as a mother is very precious to me for Motherhood is such a wondrous GIFT!

My children did not ask for this ~ not that I did; but they are the innocents....my job, my priority is to PROTECT them!! But sometimes I hear this little voice in my mind asking, "Who is going to protect me"? Dare I ask that and still remain true to my faith?

Okay, yes my life has been pain-ridden lately. I fully recognize that there are people far worse off than me so I keep this in mind at all times to refrain from a self-induced "Pity Party".

With each new day, the sadness slowly fades. I have a renewed insight, inner-strength and even some peace. I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!! Yep, I will fall down but I shall rise again!

I have learned so much from this experience. My journey it seems, is just beginning and I continue to grow as a woman and as a mother. Guess what else? It is okay to ask 'why" ~ I have my road map right in front of me and All I have to do is reach for it.

I take each day as it comes, soaking up every new lesson life is determined to teach me. The hole on my heart is still there..and it still bleeds but it is healing, slowly but surely.

With each day, comes new promise. I am free to forgive and move on with no malice or anger but I will not forget and that is alright too. I cannot wait to see what lies ahead. I have no regrets, I have HOPE. When I look into the beautiful faces of my children, I am confidant that I am on the right road and my BEST is yet to come! Just my Two Cents........

For your listening pleasure.....Introducing ~ John Beagley

How about something a little different tonight? I would like to introduce you all to a good friend of mine from the UK named John Beagley who happens to make fantastic music!! Please check out his myspace link to hear his new single ~ Walkaway. His music is very upbeat and touching. TRUST me, you will be in for a GREAT musical treat!! Have a wonderful night to all of my loyal followers. God Bless you all ~ each and everyone!! Here is the link; http://www.myspace.com/johnbeagleymusic
ENJOY!! Just my two cents......

Is it really possible to Forgive when you cannot Forget?

When someone you have trusted from your inner most circle betrays you, how can you really forgive them if you cannot forget the egregious act they have committed against you?

This is not a question to be taken lightly. It truly requires some deep reflection. Recently, I have been very distracted often finding myself wondering if Jesus was really able to "Forget" Judas' disloyalty...Of course, he forgave him and all the others who had turned against him ~ but did he really FORGET what they did?

Is that really even important? So many questions ~ so few answers. As by now, most of you know my faith is very important to me.

From the time I was a child I was taught never to hate anyone and to FORGIVE. I have always heeded those words with the utmost conviction. I listen when people have said things to me (and I am sure to quite a few of you) like, "Life is too short."

"Don't hold onto anger." But where does the hurt, pain, sadness and vulnerability go? No one really wants to walk around angry and bitter because someone "done them wrong." I get that!

You must move past the anger and forgive or you will be one miserable soul and let's face it, there are enough of "those" people around anyway. I just need to understand how to move on when you cannot FORGET...... I do not hate anyone.

I have come to terms with what has happened. Some people have suffered far worse than what I have experienced. Have they forgotten? My soul still burns with the question, "How can one truly Forgive if they cannot Forget?"

I would really love some feedback on this folks and am open to any suggestions. Life is to be lived to its fullest potential and I embrace that so, help me out ~ please. Just my two cents....

Life as I knew it.

Once upon a time, a little more than nine years ago, I thought I had it all. A man who professed to Love me, wanted to marry me and raise a family with me. We were going to live "Happily Ever After" or so I was led to believe.

Two beautiful children and three lovely homes later, I found out (unbeknownst to me) that I was not only living a lie but I was living with a pathological liar. This "Man" - my "Husband", took me to the brink of financial ruin not once or twice but three times.

I have been so stressed over his multiple job losses and worried about how we were going to survive while trying to put on a "Happy Face" for the sake of our two beautiful children. I wanted to protect them, make them feel safe ~ never letting this ugliness touch them.

I could not tell my family ~ due to the sheer embarrassment of it all. I was not looking for pity ~ just a way to make this marriage work after all, I took vows ~ "For better or Worse".

We tried marriage counseling with four different therapists, each time he found fault with them and after a few sessions, he refused to return. The stress took it's toll as I could not sleep, yet HE slept peacefully EVERY night.

I lost weight and suffered from constant and severe headaches. I was sick pretty much all the time. There were many days when I didn't even have the strength to get out of bed and face another day...but my babies kept me going.

My estranged husband and I argued constantly and soon I found out that he was purposefully goading me into arguments while he secretly taped me.

He kept a journal on me ~ trying to paint a picture that I was crazy, irrational and "mentally ill" ~ all the while claiming to LOVE me. He tried to have me committed, lied to the police and filed false charges against me stating that I threatened to kill him ~ he is 6'3 and weighs 230, I am 5'10' and weigh between 139-140 lbs.

Talk about NIGHTMARE!! Then he gave me a Mother's Day Card ~ I am not joking! How did things go so wrong?! Why did I not see this coming ~ or did I? Am I one of those women who ignored the red flags?

When I reflect on how we met and our early dating years I can recall catching him in several untruths. Did I somehow bring this on myself? During the course of our subsequent marriage, I caught him in so many lies (he said he did it to protect me)


"Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either." ~ Albert Einstein. A lie is a lie is a LIE! Needless to say, we are now embroiled in a full fledged divorce battle. I need to to know how someone who claims to love me could betray me, lie to my face and try to keep my children from me?

I am confused, afraid, sad and deeply wounded. I have so many unanswered questions..........Lately, when I close my eyes, my inner child shows herself to me. We are standing atop a tall mountain, yielding a mighty sword and she reassures me that "I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!"

I don't know what the future holds for it is not guaranteed. I can only take life one day at a time. I know it will take quite some time for me to heal ~ luckily for me ~ time is on my side.

I forgive although ~ I will NEVER forget, the pain, betrayal and suffering. I realize that I am stronger because of my hard times, I am wiser because of my mistakes, I am happier because of my sad times (there are many) and I am smarter because of my confusion. I realize that if I fall down seven times, I MUST stand up on eight!!

This not a rehearsal, life as I once knew it is over, GONE....I rely on my faith, the unconditional love of my beautiful children and family to put the pieces back together.........Sharing, helps me to heal. Just my two cents.

The Calm before the Storm......

When it rains it pours so when the hell is the thunderstorm that's going on in my life going to end?

Have you ever noticed the eerie silence right before a storm hits? It is so quiet that it is almost deafening. There is such a strange feeling of calm; but deep beneath the surface of your soul, you KNOW what is to come.

You are about to come face to face with pure EVIL. You cannot run, you cannot hide ~ you MUST remain where you are, with your feet planted firmly on the ground. Faith and experience tell you, "Fear no evil; for Thou art with me." (Psalm 23:4)

But what happens when you ARE afraid? Surely God will sustain you through the driving rain, so fierce that, at times it feels like hot spears piercing your skin; burning their way through to your bones.

It hurts so much that the emotional pain actually feels physical. The wind howls incessantly around you almost swallowing you whole. Will it ever end? What can we do to weather this storm? How do we remain calm? Is it okay to be afraid even though you have Faith? Just My Two Cents.........

Celebrate Memorial Day

Today I sit and reflect on how Blessed we are to be a part of this Great and Wonderful Nation. I am humbled and grateful. Today is the day to Thank all of the Men and Women who have to selflessly given their time and their very lives to serve this wondrous Country. Today is the day to Celebrate the Freedom that we all too often take for granted. We should ALL be as committed and dedicated as are the DEFENDERS of this United States of America ~ Everyday! God Bless us all each and every one! God Bless our Troops ~ PLEASE bring them back home to their families ~ safely and soundly. Happy Memorial Day. Remember.....Just My Two Cents........

Hope

These past months of my life have absolutely been filled with pain. That being said, pain is a necessary evil one must endure to achieve Spiritual Growth.

Recently, one of my readers commented that "my writings seemed so pained" but, alas they are ~ as I write about life as I know it; the turmoil I have been living.

This Blog is about my life ~ about the valuable lessons I have learned and how I can possibly help and inspire others who are or have experienced similar situations.

I am not claiming to be an authority on anything. Each of us is "called" to do something and every fiber of my being leads me on this path ~ to inspire, to provide hope for others so that they know somehow though the sadness and pain there is Joy.

My children teach me that daily. Through their eyes I can see that I am growing as a Woman, a Mother, a Daughter and most importantly, a Child of God.

Writing about my experiences allows me the opportunity to heal, to become better and stronger. I am not here to "Preach" rather to Share.

Some days are better than others, but with the unconditional love of my children, I recognize that my life; "pained" as it may be at times is very Blessed Indeed. For there is Hope if you just Believe! Just My Two Cents...

Exhale........

As I sit quietly in my kitchen this afternoon contemplating today's Topic of the Day, I find myself reflecting on the recent events that have literally turned my world; as I once knew it, upside down.

Why did it happen? Why was I betrayed by those who claim to "Love" me? What did I do wrong?.....I think of the damage it has done...I ask God why this happened to me and wait for His answer.

Always in His time yet RIGHT on time ~ I hear the whisper in my ear, "I wanted to give you a present, Kimberly ~ so I wrapped it up with a problem."

Through the searing tears streaming down my cheeks, I realize that God has indeed given me a present ~ Me. I was so busy taking care of everyone else for so many years that I lost track of me and who I am in Him.

The pain of betrayal was so great ~ there were days that it felt as if the flesh was being pulled from my bones. I wept daily...He heard my cries of sorrow. God UNDERSTOOD the depth of my pain and held onto me throughout it all.

This was necessary. He put me back on the path to finding my inner peace, my spirituality, back to finding me.... What a Blessing, for I did not understand it at all until I actually hit rock bottom ~ my Spirit was on EMPTY. I needed to be Renewed.

I never once felt that I was being punished I just felt despair, affliction, a sadness beyond words and honestly at times, I felt alone. Yet it was in those very dark times of loneliness that I knew I was not alone and that my heart was without doubt, open and eagerly ready to receive...my gift of Spiritual Growth. For with pain there is growth ~ and as trivial as it sounds it is true ~ "No pain truly equals no Gain"


What I gained was my sense of self worth again. Freedom from the chains that bound me. I found out who I REALLY am and just what I am made of!! Talk about not your average WAKE UP CALL!! I am not bitter for I have PEACE. Only now ~ after clawing my way back to solid ground can I finally Breathe, I Exhale. Just My Two Cents...

The Long Road Home...

When you are "lost" ~ the Road to Home seems so long and arduous at times that you may not even feel up to the task.

Take comfort, because God reminds us to remember who we are in Him. For it is He who will give you the grace and courage to overcome every challenge and win victoriously!

All we need to do is just Surrender to Him. The Bible implores us to "Turn our worries over to God ~ place them at the Foot of the Cross" and He will take care of it.

When we are still, we can hear our Lord whispering in our ear ~ just simply obey His instruction. He will walk with you through the darkest of pits and you will come out unscathed.

Times seem tough and unsettling right now ~ they are. This will continue for a while as we are in a period of transition and as painful as it is, one must remain steadfast in the belief that this "gift" is an opportunity for spiritual growth. YOU must CHOSE it.

You must ACCEPT it. KNOW that God stands with you ~ so place your TRUST completely in Him. He will guide your steps and give you the wisdom to see beyond your pain, past injustices and wrongs.

This is surely not the first time you have weathered a storm. When you think back to those turbulent times do so with a sense of clarity. Your experience has taught you that He ALWAYS leads you out safely and gloriously because YOU allowed God, (not man or circumstances) to be your Director. Can you endure the long Road back to Home? Just my two cents.....

Game On

Some times you've got to "Play the Game" with the enemy; all the while it sickens you ~ just to be in the same room with him. IT is NOT fun, believe me! When you are going though hell you find out how strong you really are so don't back down from what you believe is the truth ~ for the truth shall set you free!! In my experience, those who intend to do you harm think that because of your vulnerability they have won. Do not mistake what you perceive to be my "helplessness" for weakness. You have hurt me and I have been down however, you would be remiss to count me out! You know the adage, "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?" Be still my beating heart...Listen, watch, learn. For what You failed to see is that I have kept you ~ very close. It is like playing a game of chess or even poker. While you were busily plotting against me; you never even saw me coming... I have been studying your every move so carefully! But by forgiving you, I have taken away your power to ever hurt me again. I breathe slowly and remember that whatever it is will pass and soon be but a drop of rain into the ocean of life. I chose freedom! My forgiveness has brought such a sense of peace to my soul. Today will never come again so I will be a blessing. I will be a friend. I will encourage someone. I will take the time to care, in spite of the wrongs done to me. I will let my words heal ~ not wound for that is what the enemy expects. I know who I am ~ and today will never come again. Game on! Just my Two Cents........

Just my two cents: Just my two cents: My Sweet Surrender

Just my two cents: Just my two cents: My Sweet Surrender

Rainbow

I am the master of my own happiness or so I have been told. If I clean up the present, embrace the future and let go of the past ~ will I get my second chance? I just want some peace, especially after the turbulent storms I have recently endured. I want to move forward, find my comfort zone but those vultures ~ they keep trying to come back and dig their claws into me, tearing into my flesh. I have been deeply traumatized by betrayal from the people of my innermost circle ~ loved ones. I thought I had finally put it behind me, but find myself having nightmares so violent that I realize I am still reliving the terror, hurt, absolute evil and egregious acts placed upon me by people who "love me." WOW! Is THAT love? A shutter runs through me, down to the depths of my shattered soul as I recall the damage it has done to the core of my very being. I need shelter..."From whence shall my help come?" (Psalm 121 v:1) It can and will only come from the Lord. I have put on the full armor of God to deflect the sharp arrows that have plagued me day and night. I am strong. I have Faith. I will persevere ~ this , I know. For no matter what they try to do to me ~ I fight back because the truth always comes out in the end. I know who I am in spite of what they have done! I am a Child of God. I ask myself, Am I truly the Master of my own happiness? Can I have my happy ending? The answer is quite simply, yes as I recognize that maybe my happy ending is just... MOVING ON! I cannot afford to continually look back to what the past has given me ~ I must look at what the future has to offer. Life is a storm, your tears are the torrential rains and when you can finally smile again ~ well,now that is YOUR rainbow! Just my two cents...

Are you a suvivor?

When one has been traumatized by the pain of betrayal, disappointment or hurt, it can be a long, arduous road to recovery. Life seems to be spiraling out of control so quickly that you lose your footing and begin to sink deeper and deeper into an endless cesspool of bleak darkness. You are treading in murky waters with your head barely breaking the surface. Your heart races, your pulse quickens as you are in the fight for your life! Every single cell of your very being is sending millions of tiny shock waves ripping through your battered body, mind and spirit. HOLD ON and remain calm in the storm!! Remember that your life vest is tightly strapped on and the life vest is your Faith in God. Now is the time to think quickly and clearly. Ask yourself ~ Am I a survivor? Will I sink further into the undertow or swim against the current? It really depends on whether or not YOU chose to just let go and give up or if you are up to the task, no matter how daunting... We are on a journey ~ the journey called life and it is full of twists and turns meant to confuse and hinder us from reaching the ultimate goal ~ COMPLETE Trust and Faith in our Lord. It is solely up to us if we want to tighten the straps and soldier on by clawing our way back inch by inch or simply become another statistic and give up.....again you MUST ask yourself, Am I a survivor? Do I have the fortitude to withstand a pain that can be so unbearable that it literally knocks you off your feet and takes your very breath away. Are you secure in the knowledge that God's hands are firmly intertwined with yours? It is a true testament of FAITH. We all say we have it ~ but do we? ~ If you are sincerely engaged in your faith ~ then you have the confidence that He will not let go and you will make it through this! I KNOW that I AM A SURVIVOR!! To my babies, CJ and Reilly ~ I love you more than life and to my muse, my morning cup of Joe, you are my inspiration!! Just my two cents...

Just my two cents: My Sweet Surrender

http://www.earth-service.com

My Sweet Surrender

It is a process. One day at a time. Little by little. Remain pious, trust in the Lord for He will lead you though the darkness and into the light. He knows the answers before we even ask the questions. How truly amazing is that? When intentional harm is inflicted upon you, bask in His greatness and let go of the anger. When you do dirt ~ it comes back to hurt. So don't harbor hatred. I can only share the one thing I have witnessed to be true; if you stay the course and hold steadfast in His love, Our Lord will guide you through. There is No room for doubt! The directions to lead you out of your personal hell ~ whatever that may be...are right in front of you. Sweet, Sweet Surrender...I can feel it washing over me. Sinking in. I can breathe again. Take comfort for it is HE who will take care of things for you. When we are still, we can follow His road map. You can see all the wrongs turned into right. Let go. Release...And as hard as it may be, pray for those who have harmed you because it is they who are to be pitied. Do not ever feel ashamed for hurting and sharing that pain ~ it only makes you stronger. Forgiveness is so freeing. Yes, my friends, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is such a sense of empowerment and as sure as the sun is gonna shine ~ this too shall pass. These are mere words, but I can assure you that those words are true. Pain is a necessary process to get to the root core of who you really are. Do you have the courage to walk through the fire knowing that God will hold your hand and NEVER let go? Just my two cents...

Loving yourself though the pain

Angels come in all forms. Mine came to me today and so quickly put things back into perspective. I cannot begin to imagine how my recent disappointments, betrayals and hurts have now helped to actually enlighten me. EVERYTHING is crystal clear! It is like I have shed my sickly skin and have been granted this magnificent opportunity to LOVE myself through the pain! I find it to be so ironic that though all of the suffering, a sense of freedom and peace can wash over you when you let go and TRULY let God. Misery made BEAUTIFUL right before your very eyes........As I have expressed and shared my personal pain with you all; there is no shame ~ my wish is to touch just one person and if I am fortunate to accomplish that, then I using my gift as it is intended ~ to inspire and enlighten. "I laugh, I love, I hurt, I fear, I cry and I know you do the same things too. So we're really not that different me & you."--Colin Raye Just my two cents...

Just my two cents: The Attempted Unraveling.........

Just my two cents: The Attempted Unraveling.........

The Attempted Unraveling.........

As I sit here tonight grappling with today's topic of the day ~ I find myself wondering how someone can claim to "Love you" and yet lie to and about you to others. How can they do dirty and sneaky things that undermine your very essence? It is a hard question to both ask and to answer. For those of you who are getting to know me ~ please understand that my main goal in writing this Blog is to always strive to inspire and touch just one soul. I live my life by lessons learned ~ some are much more difficult than others to understand, but through faith,grace and courage I have come to understand the importance of completely surrendering to God. For I know that with God ALL things are possible including having the fortitude to hold and be still even when your world seems to be endlessly crashing down around you. I just read one of the MOST inspiring and uplifting quotes by William Cowper that I felt absolutely compelled to share with you. Quite frankly, it is what snapped me back to what I was originally grappling with; How could someone who claims to love you try to hurt and destroy you? "Satan trembles when he sees the weakest Saint upon their knees." The enemy always strikes when you appear to be weak...I may be down but do not underestimate me and do not count me out ~ for my best is yet to come ~ sorry to disappoint you! Just my two cents...

Just my two cents: FLAWED

Just my two cents: FLAWED

FLAWED

I am posting today's topic from something I read today that was written by someone very close to me and I felt it was appropriate to share with you.."I am STRONG because I have been WEAK. I am BEAUTIFUL because I know my FLAWS. I am a LOVER because I have been a FIGHTER"!
No matter how low people go to hurt, NEVER stop FIGHTING for what is RIGHT! Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I fear NO evil; for Thou art with me. Psalm 23:4 Just my two cents......

Life's Bitter Pill

What do you do when you feel like everything and everyone you once trusted has been a lie? How do you handle the ultimate betrayal? It feels like you are sinking...Your spirit has been completely crushed. You claw for some sort of solid ground....but you are slipping into into an endless undertow...You feel like you want to just let go. You never fathomed you could feel so low.....You seem to be surrounded by darkness. Somehow by the Grace of God, you MUST HOLD on. For me, I look into the eyes of my children and they give me the courage to go on. I will NOT give up ~ I can't let those beauties down. I must fight with every ounce of strength I can muster and claw my way back. I am a survivor no matter what Bitter Pill life has handed me. I am a child of God. I am a Mother. I recognize that the only way for me to grow and be a better person, a better Mother is to find the courage to FIGHT my way though the dilemma that has been thrown at me ~ I can see the light. I can almost touch it so I must keep striving and not let anyone keep trying to pull me down into that undertow. My Faith, strength, courage and the Grace of God teach me that I will be okay ~ If you are going through tough times, KNOW that no matter how bitter that pill is ~ you are actually on the upswing ~ you may feel like you at the lowest ebb ~ and you very well may be ~ BUT things are about to look up my friend as long as you don't give up! Hold on to your faith! NEVER stop fighting and while it may be all uphill for what seems like FOREVER ~ This much I promise ~ If you believe, it will get better. TRUST in YOU when no one else does ~ it is hard but then if everything were easy how would we make it through the bone-chilling changes that life is definitely gonna throw at us? "Be still and Be of good Courage"..........Once you claw your way back onto solid ground, Somewhere, someone is counting on you to help them ~ life is too precious to just give up!! Thank you to Sarah McLachlan (Full of Grace) for inspiring me to write though my pain! You so ROCK!! Just my two cents...

When Life hands you Lemons.......

You know the old adage, "When Life hands you Lemons; Make Lemonade." Well, I just heard a good one from the Singer, Brandy. She said, "When Life Hands You Lemons, Throw them Back"!!
Life can be hard, no doubt about it. We make mistakes ~ but they are to be made; hopefully so that one may grow and learn that all encompassing lesson ~ whatever that may be. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and when you do, it doesn't mean that you have to just accept what life throws at you. YOU have the power to make a change, to make a difference in your own life.
That is what I believe the singer was trying to say with a twist(pardon the pun) of humor! Lord knows she sure has had her fair share of "Life handing her Lemons".......My Two Cents

Time Wounds; All Heals

Here's my thought for today. How does one explain disappointment and the countless ways to handle it to your child when you ~ as a parent are having a difficult time yourself? How can I impart these "Life Lessons" to my children ~ the right way? "Parents are supposed to have all of the answers", my six and a half year old son said to me recently. It hit me like a ton of bricks that in my child's mind, Mommy is supposed to know how to fix EVERYTHING. But how can we safely guide them through life's many disappointments if we are finding it difficult ourselves? As a parent, I strive each and everyday to teach my children something of value ~ a profound lesson that can help them navigate through life's muddy waters. Lately though, I have found myself struggling...Logic and faith teach me to turn to God and I rely on my faith as a guidepost because experience has taught me so. While I have "learned to stay the course" because Time wounds; All heals. When is it safe to let go? I find myself questioning if what I am doing "now" is "right" for my children in the future... The delicate balance is to help my babies understand these lessons that are both necessary and painful to grow as individuals. That can be a heavy load for both parent and child. I tread lightly ~ Worry about nothing and PRAY about EVERYTHING!! As a Mother, my natural instinct is to "protect them from every thing that could potentially hurt them". And that is no easy feat! Five and Six year-olds are a tough audience because they want to know "why" and "how come" about everything ~ they want to do it their way. Parents ~ Lord knows, we want nothing but the very best for our little ones. After all, they are so wondrous, eager to learn, smart as whips ~ and we are so very fortunate to be in their company! I need them to know that sometimes life is gonna hurt BUT that things WILL get better ~ even if it requires a little time and maybe change....I guess the human me is struggling with having the patience ~ while waiting for the answer(s). The good thing is, the answers will come. I will be still and follow God's Road Map.
Life has taught me that if you follow his instructions, the Map is not too difficult to read. He will guide you ~ Now, if only I can "just be"... My two cents.

Happy Mother's Day!!

With Mother's Day rapidly approaching, I just wanted to share of few of my personal experiences and feelings of being blessed enough to be a Mommy AND to still have my Mom with me. Yesterday, my Mom had surgery on her shoulder to repair a torn muscle. I spent the whole day at the hospital anxiously awaiting her surgery and subsequent recovery. I tried to feed off of Mom's positive energy and be her "Brave" Daughter. I must admit however, that while for the most part, I was calm as I knew she was in God's Hands and he had placed her with an outstanding surgeon, the "little girl" in me was still worried about her Mommy.
After seven hours (start to finish) I was able to take Mom home to convalesce. The surgery was a success. Hooray!
Unfortunately, I missed my own beautiful daughter's Mother's Day Celebration at her Preschool. I felt very badly about not being able to attend and prepared her as best I could ahead of time. She's a pretty amazing little girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Mama I understand. You have to take care of your Mommy." Wow, tears welled up in my eyes because this wondrous little person really understood ~ how much I loved her and how much I loved my mother. I could not be at two places at one time ~ albeit not for lack of trying ~ I needed to make sure my mother pulled through this procedure and my baby girl "got that". How amazing ~ what an old soul she is.
I waited until later in life to have children and I feel absolutely Blessed beyond belief to have not one but two beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring and quite funny at times ~ little mini-me s.
The thing about kids is; They actually teach you how to be a better parent and a better person.
I love everything about being a Mommy (even when I get frustrated by meltdowns,lack of sleep, whining and fighting). My son is 6 1/2 and my daughter just turned 5 years old. We really have so much fun together. I love reading to them; our favorite books right now are: Chicken Said "Cluck", by Judyann Ackerman Grant and The Story of Ferdinad, by Munro Leaf.
We enjoy Chicken Said "Cluck" because both of my children are learning to read on their own and can actually read the story to me. We cook together and they just recently they started a garden with my mother. As much fun as it is for them to watch their hard work pay off (lettuce is sprouting up, radishes, green beans and cucumbers too) ~ My joy is tenfold to be able to watch on a daily basis these two little beings grow and learn. I am a Mommy and a daughter. My point is that I don't need a special day to recognize what God has given me. Life is good ~ God is Good! Yes indeed, I am truly Blessed and full of Bliss!! Happy Mother's Day to Mommies ~ EVERYWHERE. Just my two cents.

Letter to Dad

Dear Dad,
It has been two months since you passed away. I cannot begin to fathom the loss. I still remember the kids and I driving up to see you ~ never once imaging that this would be our last trip. I knew you were tired but you fought such a valiant fight, I know it is selfish of me ~ but I had high hopes that you’d make it past Reilly’s Birthday. Sadly and ironically, you quietly passed away exactly one month before her 5th birthday.

We miss you so very much. Sometimes the pain is unbearable for me. I weep because I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that it was I that you and God chose to “give you permission” to let go. I will NEVER forget your last night here as long as I live. I vividly recall how “restless” you were, how I lovingly stroked your head and climbed partially into bed with you and whispered, “Dad, if you are tired, it is okay to let go. I promise, I will take care of the family for you.” Oh God, You were so weak, yet somehow you found the strength to turn around and face me and say, “Okay” in response.
You tossed and turned a lot that night. I jumped up literally every five minutes to check on you, kiss you and let you know I was there with you and how very much I loved you. You knew…………… At one point I asked if you wanted me to read to you ~ perhaps a favorite passage from the Bible. What I failed to realize at the time was that you really were letting go. The tossing and turning/restlessness went on until approximately 2am. Then, oddly I was able to sleep ~ but not for long. At 3:30 am SHARP I sat straight up and even in the darkness I knew something was amiss. You were still. I jumped up and immediately felt your forehead and it was cool to the touch so I frantically yet somehow calmly felt for a pulse. There was none. My fears came to light ~ literally when I turned on the lights and saw your face. Your eyes were still open and parts of your body were still warm ~ I was actually witnessing one of the greatest and profound gifts God can bestow on us mere humans ~ I could see your spirit actually leaving your body. At first and I think naturally, I was in denial. I remember trying to cover the cool parts of you up somehow thinking it would help keep you warm. But I knew. I said a prayer over you and told you to go be with “Our Lord” and then I ran upstairs to get your son.
The kids talk about you all the time. They miss you so. They talk to each other about what you are doing in heaven at any given time ….By the way ~ did you get the balloons they sent you? As you know, we said a prayer and released them at the end of February. We watched them fly all the way up into the sky until we could see them no more.
I still have all of you messages on our answering machine. I cannot let them go ~ hearing your voice is both comforting and sad. I hope you know how very much you meant to me and always will.
You were a good man Charles Johnston. An honorable, quiet man who took great pleasure in the simplest things that life had to offer. You bestowed words of wisdom ~ I heard you ~ unfortunately others did not. I will carry your legacy in my heart forever.
Your youngest grand babies are helping me write a book to honor you. They will NEVER forget their “Grandpa Dad”. Your death took its toll on me....I am healing one day at a time Dad ~ some days are harder than others but you taught all of your loved ones that life still must go on. Thank you for being such a great story teller and family historian. I Love you now and forever. I promise to keep my word and take care of everyone as best I can. I know everyone must live their own lives but I will always be there (in the background) for you. Please continue to watch over us. Keep us all safe.
I will forever treasure that first night you came to me after you had passed on to let me know you were safe. Thank you! I love you so and you have inspired me to finally let my creative monster out of its cage and start writing again. Maybe it will lead somewhere… ~ God we miss you so……………………It breaks my heart how very sad, lonely and lost Mom is without you, yet she soldiers on ~ you must be sitting on her should pushing her to keep going.
Some nights, I can hear Reilly and CJ talking to you and laughing in their sleep, of course. Please don’t ever leave them. We need you ~ Always and Forever.
Me

Where does the Love go after the Loss of a Loved One?

What I really mean is what happens to all of the "things" that connect us to our loved ones? For instance, their phone number & home address ~ are we supposed to delete it? What about saved phone messages? A friend and I were recently lamenting over this as we have both lost multiple loved ones. My Father-in-Law, whom I loved dearly just passed away from the insidious disease of Lung Cancer in February. Just like that ~ he was gone! The depth of sadness I feel is still so profound and raw. I have saved all of his messages from the last few months of his life and cannot fathom erasing them. I still can't bring myself to remove (my now deceased friend) Robyn's name from my home phone, I told her. I think of Robyn all the time and she has been gone for 6 years now. Is there ever a proper time to let go? My two cents.