Celebrate Memorial Day

Today I sit and reflect on how Blessed we are to be a part of this Great and Wonderful Nation. I am humbled and grateful. Today is the day to Thank all of the Men and Women who have to selflessly given their time and their very lives to serve this wondrous Country. Today is the day to Celebrate the Freedom that we all too often take for granted. We should ALL be as committed and dedicated as are the DEFENDERS of this United States of America ~ Everyday! God Bless us all each and every one! God Bless our Troops ~ PLEASE bring them back home to their families ~ safely and soundly. Happy Memorial Day. Remember.....Just My Two Cents........

Hope

These past months of my life have absolutely been filled with pain. That being said, pain is a necessary evil one must endure to achieve Spiritual Growth.

Recently, one of my readers commented that "my writings seemed so pained" but, alas they are ~ as I write about life as I know it; the turmoil I have been living.

This Blog is about my life ~ about the valuable lessons I have learned and how I can possibly help and inspire others who are or have experienced similar situations.

I am not claiming to be an authority on anything. Each of us is "called" to do something and every fiber of my being leads me on this path ~ to inspire, to provide hope for others so that they know somehow though the sadness and pain there is Joy.

My children teach me that daily. Through their eyes I can see that I am growing as a Woman, a Mother, a Daughter and most importantly, a Child of God.

Writing about my experiences allows me the opportunity to heal, to become better and stronger. I am not here to "Preach" rather to Share.

Some days are better than others, but with the unconditional love of my children, I recognize that my life; "pained" as it may be at times is very Blessed Indeed. For there is Hope if you just Believe! Just My Two Cents...

Exhale........

As I sit quietly in my kitchen this afternoon contemplating today's Topic of the Day, I find myself reflecting on the recent events that have literally turned my world; as I once knew it, upside down.

Why did it happen? Why was I betrayed by those who claim to "Love" me? What did I do wrong?.....I think of the damage it has done...I ask God why this happened to me and wait for His answer.

Always in His time yet RIGHT on time ~ I hear the whisper in my ear, "I wanted to give you a present, Kimberly ~ so I wrapped it up with a problem."

Through the searing tears streaming down my cheeks, I realize that God has indeed given me a present ~ Me. I was so busy taking care of everyone else for so many years that I lost track of me and who I am in Him.

The pain of betrayal was so great ~ there were days that it felt as if the flesh was being pulled from my bones. I wept daily...He heard my cries of sorrow. God UNDERSTOOD the depth of my pain and held onto me throughout it all.

This was necessary. He put me back on the path to finding my inner peace, my spirituality, back to finding me.... What a Blessing, for I did not understand it at all until I actually hit rock bottom ~ my Spirit was on EMPTY. I needed to be Renewed.

I never once felt that I was being punished I just felt despair, affliction, a sadness beyond words and honestly at times, I felt alone. Yet it was in those very dark times of loneliness that I knew I was not alone and that my heart was without doubt, open and eagerly ready to receive...my gift of Spiritual Growth. For with pain there is growth ~ and as trivial as it sounds it is true ~ "No pain truly equals no Gain"


What I gained was my sense of self worth again. Freedom from the chains that bound me. I found out who I REALLY am and just what I am made of!! Talk about not your average WAKE UP CALL!! I am not bitter for I have PEACE. Only now ~ after clawing my way back to solid ground can I finally Breathe, I Exhale. Just My Two Cents...

The Long Road Home...

When you are "lost" ~ the Road to Home seems so long and arduous at times that you may not even feel up to the task.

Take comfort, because God reminds us to remember who we are in Him. For it is He who will give you the grace and courage to overcome every challenge and win victoriously!

All we need to do is just Surrender to Him. The Bible implores us to "Turn our worries over to God ~ place them at the Foot of the Cross" and He will take care of it.

When we are still, we can hear our Lord whispering in our ear ~ just simply obey His instruction. He will walk with you through the darkest of pits and you will come out unscathed.

Times seem tough and unsettling right now ~ they are. This will continue for a while as we are in a period of transition and as painful as it is, one must remain steadfast in the belief that this "gift" is an opportunity for spiritual growth. YOU must CHOSE it.

You must ACCEPT it. KNOW that God stands with you ~ so place your TRUST completely in Him. He will guide your steps and give you the wisdom to see beyond your pain, past injustices and wrongs.

This is surely not the first time you have weathered a storm. When you think back to those turbulent times do so with a sense of clarity. Your experience has taught you that He ALWAYS leads you out safely and gloriously because YOU allowed God, (not man or circumstances) to be your Director. Can you endure the long Road back to Home? Just my two cents.....

Game On

Some times you've got to "Play the Game" with the enemy; all the while it sickens you ~ just to be in the same room with him. IT is NOT fun, believe me! When you are going though hell you find out how strong you really are so don't back down from what you believe is the truth ~ for the truth shall set you free!! In my experience, those who intend to do you harm think that because of your vulnerability they have won. Do not mistake what you perceive to be my "helplessness" for weakness. You have hurt me and I have been down however, you would be remiss to count me out! You know the adage, "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?" Be still my beating heart...Listen, watch, learn. For what You failed to see is that I have kept you ~ very close. It is like playing a game of chess or even poker. While you were busily plotting against me; you never even saw me coming... I have been studying your every move so carefully! But by forgiving you, I have taken away your power to ever hurt me again. I breathe slowly and remember that whatever it is will pass and soon be but a drop of rain into the ocean of life. I chose freedom! My forgiveness has brought such a sense of peace to my soul. Today will never come again so I will be a blessing. I will be a friend. I will encourage someone. I will take the time to care, in spite of the wrongs done to me. I will let my words heal ~ not wound for that is what the enemy expects. I know who I am ~ and today will never come again. Game on! Just my Two Cents........

Just my two cents: Just my two cents: My Sweet Surrender

Just my two cents: Just my two cents: My Sweet Surrender

Rainbow

I am the master of my own happiness or so I have been told. If I clean up the present, embrace the future and let go of the past ~ will I get my second chance? I just want some peace, especially after the turbulent storms I have recently endured. I want to move forward, find my comfort zone but those vultures ~ they keep trying to come back and dig their claws into me, tearing into my flesh. I have been deeply traumatized by betrayal from the people of my innermost circle ~ loved ones. I thought I had finally put it behind me, but find myself having nightmares so violent that I realize I am still reliving the terror, hurt, absolute evil and egregious acts placed upon me by people who "love me." WOW! Is THAT love? A shutter runs through me, down to the depths of my shattered soul as I recall the damage it has done to the core of my very being. I need shelter..."From whence shall my help come?" (Psalm 121 v:1) It can and will only come from the Lord. I have put on the full armor of God to deflect the sharp arrows that have plagued me day and night. I am strong. I have Faith. I will persevere ~ this , I know. For no matter what they try to do to me ~ I fight back because the truth always comes out in the end. I know who I am in spite of what they have done! I am a Child of God. I ask myself, Am I truly the Master of my own happiness? Can I have my happy ending? The answer is quite simply, yes as I recognize that maybe my happy ending is just... MOVING ON! I cannot afford to continually look back to what the past has given me ~ I must look at what the future has to offer. Life is a storm, your tears are the torrential rains and when you can finally smile again ~ well,now that is YOUR rainbow! Just my two cents...

Are you a suvivor?

When one has been traumatized by the pain of betrayal, disappointment or hurt, it can be a long, arduous road to recovery. Life seems to be spiraling out of control so quickly that you lose your footing and begin to sink deeper and deeper into an endless cesspool of bleak darkness. You are treading in murky waters with your head barely breaking the surface. Your heart races, your pulse quickens as you are in the fight for your life! Every single cell of your very being is sending millions of tiny shock waves ripping through your battered body, mind and spirit. HOLD ON and remain calm in the storm!! Remember that your life vest is tightly strapped on and the life vest is your Faith in God. Now is the time to think quickly and clearly. Ask yourself ~ Am I a survivor? Will I sink further into the undertow or swim against the current? It really depends on whether or not YOU chose to just let go and give up or if you are up to the task, no matter how daunting... We are on a journey ~ the journey called life and it is full of twists and turns meant to confuse and hinder us from reaching the ultimate goal ~ COMPLETE Trust and Faith in our Lord. It is solely up to us if we want to tighten the straps and soldier on by clawing our way back inch by inch or simply become another statistic and give up.....again you MUST ask yourself, Am I a survivor? Do I have the fortitude to withstand a pain that can be so unbearable that it literally knocks you off your feet and takes your very breath away. Are you secure in the knowledge that God's hands are firmly intertwined with yours? It is a true testament of FAITH. We all say we have it ~ but do we? ~ If you are sincerely engaged in your faith ~ then you have the confidence that He will not let go and you will make it through this! I KNOW that I AM A SURVIVOR!! To my babies, CJ and Reilly ~ I love you more than life and to my muse, my morning cup of Joe, you are my inspiration!! Just my two cents...

Just my two cents: My Sweet Surrender

http://www.earth-service.com

My Sweet Surrender

It is a process. One day at a time. Little by little. Remain pious, trust in the Lord for He will lead you though the darkness and into the light. He knows the answers before we even ask the questions. How truly amazing is that? When intentional harm is inflicted upon you, bask in His greatness and let go of the anger. When you do dirt ~ it comes back to hurt. So don't harbor hatred. I can only share the one thing I have witnessed to be true; if you stay the course and hold steadfast in His love, Our Lord will guide you through. There is No room for doubt! The directions to lead you out of your personal hell ~ whatever that may be...are right in front of you. Sweet, Sweet Surrender...I can feel it washing over me. Sinking in. I can breathe again. Take comfort for it is HE who will take care of things for you. When we are still, we can follow His road map. You can see all the wrongs turned into right. Let go. Release...And as hard as it may be, pray for those who have harmed you because it is they who are to be pitied. Do not ever feel ashamed for hurting and sharing that pain ~ it only makes you stronger. Forgiveness is so freeing. Yes, my friends, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is such a sense of empowerment and as sure as the sun is gonna shine ~ this too shall pass. These are mere words, but I can assure you that those words are true. Pain is a necessary process to get to the root core of who you really are. Do you have the courage to walk through the fire knowing that God will hold your hand and NEVER let go? Just my two cents...

Loving yourself though the pain

Angels come in all forms. Mine came to me today and so quickly put things back into perspective. I cannot begin to imagine how my recent disappointments, betrayals and hurts have now helped to actually enlighten me. EVERYTHING is crystal clear! It is like I have shed my sickly skin and have been granted this magnificent opportunity to LOVE myself through the pain! I find it to be so ironic that though all of the suffering, a sense of freedom and peace can wash over you when you let go and TRULY let God. Misery made BEAUTIFUL right before your very eyes........As I have expressed and shared my personal pain with you all; there is no shame ~ my wish is to touch just one person and if I am fortunate to accomplish that, then I using my gift as it is intended ~ to inspire and enlighten. "I laugh, I love, I hurt, I fear, I cry and I know you do the same things too. So we're really not that different me & you."--Colin Raye Just my two cents...

Just my two cents: The Attempted Unraveling.........

Just my two cents: The Attempted Unraveling.........

The Attempted Unraveling.........

As I sit here tonight grappling with today's topic of the day ~ I find myself wondering how someone can claim to "Love you" and yet lie to and about you to others. How can they do dirty and sneaky things that undermine your very essence? It is a hard question to both ask and to answer. For those of you who are getting to know me ~ please understand that my main goal in writing this Blog is to always strive to inspire and touch just one soul. I live my life by lessons learned ~ some are much more difficult than others to understand, but through faith,grace and courage I have come to understand the importance of completely surrendering to God. For I know that with God ALL things are possible including having the fortitude to hold and be still even when your world seems to be endlessly crashing down around you. I just read one of the MOST inspiring and uplifting quotes by William Cowper that I felt absolutely compelled to share with you. Quite frankly, it is what snapped me back to what I was originally grappling with; How could someone who claims to love you try to hurt and destroy you? "Satan trembles when he sees the weakest Saint upon their knees." The enemy always strikes when you appear to be weak...I may be down but do not underestimate me and do not count me out ~ for my best is yet to come ~ sorry to disappoint you! Just my two cents...

Just my two cents: FLAWED

Just my two cents: FLAWED

FLAWED

I am posting today's topic from something I read today that was written by someone very close to me and I felt it was appropriate to share with you.."I am STRONG because I have been WEAK. I am BEAUTIFUL because I know my FLAWS. I am a LOVER because I have been a FIGHTER"!
No matter how low people go to hurt, NEVER stop FIGHTING for what is RIGHT! Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I fear NO evil; for Thou art with me. Psalm 23:4 Just my two cents......

Life's Bitter Pill

What do you do when you feel like everything and everyone you once trusted has been a lie? How do you handle the ultimate betrayal? It feels like you are sinking...Your spirit has been completely crushed. You claw for some sort of solid ground....but you are slipping into into an endless undertow...You feel like you want to just let go. You never fathomed you could feel so low.....You seem to be surrounded by darkness. Somehow by the Grace of God, you MUST HOLD on. For me, I look into the eyes of my children and they give me the courage to go on. I will NOT give up ~ I can't let those beauties down. I must fight with every ounce of strength I can muster and claw my way back. I am a survivor no matter what Bitter Pill life has handed me. I am a child of God. I am a Mother. I recognize that the only way for me to grow and be a better person, a better Mother is to find the courage to FIGHT my way though the dilemma that has been thrown at me ~ I can see the light. I can almost touch it so I must keep striving and not let anyone keep trying to pull me down into that undertow. My Faith, strength, courage and the Grace of God teach me that I will be okay ~ If you are going through tough times, KNOW that no matter how bitter that pill is ~ you are actually on the upswing ~ you may feel like you at the lowest ebb ~ and you very well may be ~ BUT things are about to look up my friend as long as you don't give up! Hold on to your faith! NEVER stop fighting and while it may be all uphill for what seems like FOREVER ~ This much I promise ~ If you believe, it will get better. TRUST in YOU when no one else does ~ it is hard but then if everything were easy how would we make it through the bone-chilling changes that life is definitely gonna throw at us? "Be still and Be of good Courage"..........Once you claw your way back onto solid ground, Somewhere, someone is counting on you to help them ~ life is too precious to just give up!! Thank you to Sarah McLachlan (Full of Grace) for inspiring me to write though my pain! You so ROCK!! Just my two cents...

When Life hands you Lemons.......

You know the old adage, "When Life hands you Lemons; Make Lemonade." Well, I just heard a good one from the Singer, Brandy. She said, "When Life Hands You Lemons, Throw them Back"!!
Life can be hard, no doubt about it. We make mistakes ~ but they are to be made; hopefully so that one may grow and learn that all encompassing lesson ~ whatever that may be. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and when you do, it doesn't mean that you have to just accept what life throws at you. YOU have the power to make a change, to make a difference in your own life.
That is what I believe the singer was trying to say with a twist(pardon the pun) of humor! Lord knows she sure has had her fair share of "Life handing her Lemons".......My Two Cents

Time Wounds; All Heals

Here's my thought for today. How does one explain disappointment and the countless ways to handle it to your child when you ~ as a parent are having a difficult time yourself? How can I impart these "Life Lessons" to my children ~ the right way? "Parents are supposed to have all of the answers", my six and a half year old son said to me recently. It hit me like a ton of bricks that in my child's mind, Mommy is supposed to know how to fix EVERYTHING. But how can we safely guide them through life's many disappointments if we are finding it difficult ourselves? As a parent, I strive each and everyday to teach my children something of value ~ a profound lesson that can help them navigate through life's muddy waters. Lately though, I have found myself struggling...Logic and faith teach me to turn to God and I rely on my faith as a guidepost because experience has taught me so. While I have "learned to stay the course" because Time wounds; All heals. When is it safe to let go? I find myself questioning if what I am doing "now" is "right" for my children in the future... The delicate balance is to help my babies understand these lessons that are both necessary and painful to grow as individuals. That can be a heavy load for both parent and child. I tread lightly ~ Worry about nothing and PRAY about EVERYTHING!! As a Mother, my natural instinct is to "protect them from every thing that could potentially hurt them". And that is no easy feat! Five and Six year-olds are a tough audience because they want to know "why" and "how come" about everything ~ they want to do it their way. Parents ~ Lord knows, we want nothing but the very best for our little ones. After all, they are so wondrous, eager to learn, smart as whips ~ and we are so very fortunate to be in their company! I need them to know that sometimes life is gonna hurt BUT that things WILL get better ~ even if it requires a little time and maybe change....I guess the human me is struggling with having the patience ~ while waiting for the answer(s). The good thing is, the answers will come. I will be still and follow God's Road Map.
Life has taught me that if you follow his instructions, the Map is not too difficult to read. He will guide you ~ Now, if only I can "just be"... My two cents.

Happy Mother's Day!!

With Mother's Day rapidly approaching, I just wanted to share of few of my personal experiences and feelings of being blessed enough to be a Mommy AND to still have my Mom with me. Yesterday, my Mom had surgery on her shoulder to repair a torn muscle. I spent the whole day at the hospital anxiously awaiting her surgery and subsequent recovery. I tried to feed off of Mom's positive energy and be her "Brave" Daughter. I must admit however, that while for the most part, I was calm as I knew she was in God's Hands and he had placed her with an outstanding surgeon, the "little girl" in me was still worried about her Mommy.
After seven hours (start to finish) I was able to take Mom home to convalesce. The surgery was a success. Hooray!
Unfortunately, I missed my own beautiful daughter's Mother's Day Celebration at her Preschool. I felt very badly about not being able to attend and prepared her as best I could ahead of time. She's a pretty amazing little girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Mama I understand. You have to take care of your Mommy." Wow, tears welled up in my eyes because this wondrous little person really understood ~ how much I loved her and how much I loved my mother. I could not be at two places at one time ~ albeit not for lack of trying ~ I needed to make sure my mother pulled through this procedure and my baby girl "got that". How amazing ~ what an old soul she is.
I waited until later in life to have children and I feel absolutely Blessed beyond belief to have not one but two beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring and quite funny at times ~ little mini-me s.
The thing about kids is; They actually teach you how to be a better parent and a better person.
I love everything about being a Mommy (even when I get frustrated by meltdowns,lack of sleep, whining and fighting). My son is 6 1/2 and my daughter just turned 5 years old. We really have so much fun together. I love reading to them; our favorite books right now are: Chicken Said "Cluck", by Judyann Ackerman Grant and The Story of Ferdinad, by Munro Leaf.
We enjoy Chicken Said "Cluck" because both of my children are learning to read on their own and can actually read the story to me. We cook together and they just recently they started a garden with my mother. As much fun as it is for them to watch their hard work pay off (lettuce is sprouting up, radishes, green beans and cucumbers too) ~ My joy is tenfold to be able to watch on a daily basis these two little beings grow and learn. I am a Mommy and a daughter. My point is that I don't need a special day to recognize what God has given me. Life is good ~ God is Good! Yes indeed, I am truly Blessed and full of Bliss!! Happy Mother's Day to Mommies ~ EVERYWHERE. Just my two cents.

Letter to Dad

Dear Dad,
It has been two months since you passed away. I cannot begin to fathom the loss. I still remember the kids and I driving up to see you ~ never once imaging that this would be our last trip. I knew you were tired but you fought such a valiant fight, I know it is selfish of me ~ but I had high hopes that you’d make it past Reilly’s Birthday. Sadly and ironically, you quietly passed away exactly one month before her 5th birthday.

We miss you so very much. Sometimes the pain is unbearable for me. I weep because I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that it was I that you and God chose to “give you permission” to let go. I will NEVER forget your last night here as long as I live. I vividly recall how “restless” you were, how I lovingly stroked your head and climbed partially into bed with you and whispered, “Dad, if you are tired, it is okay to let go. I promise, I will take care of the family for you.” Oh God, You were so weak, yet somehow you found the strength to turn around and face me and say, “Okay” in response.
You tossed and turned a lot that night. I jumped up literally every five minutes to check on you, kiss you and let you know I was there with you and how very much I loved you. You knew…………… At one point I asked if you wanted me to read to you ~ perhaps a favorite passage from the Bible. What I failed to realize at the time was that you really were letting go. The tossing and turning/restlessness went on until approximately 2am. Then, oddly I was able to sleep ~ but not for long. At 3:30 am SHARP I sat straight up and even in the darkness I knew something was amiss. You were still. I jumped up and immediately felt your forehead and it was cool to the touch so I frantically yet somehow calmly felt for a pulse. There was none. My fears came to light ~ literally when I turned on the lights and saw your face. Your eyes were still open and parts of your body were still warm ~ I was actually witnessing one of the greatest and profound gifts God can bestow on us mere humans ~ I could see your spirit actually leaving your body. At first and I think naturally, I was in denial. I remember trying to cover the cool parts of you up somehow thinking it would help keep you warm. But I knew. I said a prayer over you and told you to go be with “Our Lord” and then I ran upstairs to get your son.
The kids talk about you all the time. They miss you so. They talk to each other about what you are doing in heaven at any given time ….By the way ~ did you get the balloons they sent you? As you know, we said a prayer and released them at the end of February. We watched them fly all the way up into the sky until we could see them no more.
I still have all of you messages on our answering machine. I cannot let them go ~ hearing your voice is both comforting and sad. I hope you know how very much you meant to me and always will.
You were a good man Charles Johnston. An honorable, quiet man who took great pleasure in the simplest things that life had to offer. You bestowed words of wisdom ~ I heard you ~ unfortunately others did not. I will carry your legacy in my heart forever.
Your youngest grand babies are helping me write a book to honor you. They will NEVER forget their “Grandpa Dad”. Your death took its toll on me....I am healing one day at a time Dad ~ some days are harder than others but you taught all of your loved ones that life still must go on. Thank you for being such a great story teller and family historian. I Love you now and forever. I promise to keep my word and take care of everyone as best I can. I know everyone must live their own lives but I will always be there (in the background) for you. Please continue to watch over us. Keep us all safe.
I will forever treasure that first night you came to me after you had passed on to let me know you were safe. Thank you! I love you so and you have inspired me to finally let my creative monster out of its cage and start writing again. Maybe it will lead somewhere… ~ God we miss you so……………………It breaks my heart how very sad, lonely and lost Mom is without you, yet she soldiers on ~ you must be sitting on her should pushing her to keep going.
Some nights, I can hear Reilly and CJ talking to you and laughing in their sleep, of course. Please don’t ever leave them. We need you ~ Always and Forever.
Me

Where does the Love go after the Loss of a Loved One?

What I really mean is what happens to all of the "things" that connect us to our loved ones? For instance, their phone number & home address ~ are we supposed to delete it? What about saved phone messages? A friend and I were recently lamenting over this as we have both lost multiple loved ones. My Father-in-Law, whom I loved dearly just passed away from the insidious disease of Lung Cancer in February. Just like that ~ he was gone! The depth of sadness I feel is still so profound and raw. I have saved all of his messages from the last few months of his life and cannot fathom erasing them. I still can't bring myself to remove (my now deceased friend) Robyn's name from my home phone, I told her. I think of Robyn all the time and she has been gone for 6 years now. Is there ever a proper time to let go? My two cents.